i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
