glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
