I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
