I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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