woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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