Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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