help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
