So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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