i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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