guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
