But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My ATM looks so different sober.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
