plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
