The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
