You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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