hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You are the jesus of drinking
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
