i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
