she kept yelling 'call me bella'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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