Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
