I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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