just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
