I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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