he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
