I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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