i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
