I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize