I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
