So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
