dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
