sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
