i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
