my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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