I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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