nut hugger
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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