I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I could fuck to npr.
They have beer where we have blood.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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