Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
