I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You're a waste of cheezeits
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
