He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
