I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
