I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
