you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
