Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
