remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize