I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
