good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
