I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
