I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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