Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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