Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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