when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
