Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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