Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
