Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I had to cum in my sink.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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