It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
