They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
