I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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