Having a random hookup so left but love u
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
