Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
