you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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