at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
