so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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