I'll bet she douches with gravy.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
