on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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