she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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