so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
