So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
