Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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