i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
