Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
