I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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