So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
