She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
