why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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